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About Literature / Hobbyist Member September Bade21/Canada Group :iconstealth-force: Stealth-force
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I've just started coming out as being transgender, so although I have often seen transphobia, today was the first time I've ever actually been attacked directly about being transgender.

It sucks.

The hatred that she spewed towards me for something that is entirely out of my control made me so upset that I actually got lightheaded. You can see the full conversation on this website in the comments. It starts out with her saying "Would be easier if guys stopped wearing women's pants...", which I followed with a joke to highlight her ignorance:
elitedaily.com/humor/legend-th…

It's not so over the top ridiculous harassment, and it's almost confusing. When people used to call me a faggot, I never got upset. When I got stared at after shaving my hair off for cancer care I got a lot of negative glares because people just assumed I was a punk or a lesbian, but it just made me feel sorry for such bitter people. 

However, when they started calling me a 'he she' and being disrespectful towards me, it made me feel so shitty about myself. It made me look down at my chest and want to break down and cry. It made me come pretty close to self harm again, but I'm thankful that I think I've pushed passed those feelings. 

Well, to be honest, I suppose this isn't exactly the 'first' time I've been attacked that was centered around me being transgender. I frequently was attacked by people supportive of the transgender community when I was first questioning my gender identity. I made it clear that although I'd be gracious for top surgery and testosterone treatments, I never wanted bottom surgery because I just didn't think it would make me feel any closer to being a man. I respect those who do, and if it works for them it's wonderful! However, it didn't function the same as a cisgender man's penis and therefore I would most likely get even more dysphoric about my lower half. As it is now, I can pack and it feels like I really do have a penis, and when I don't look, I can imagine and it's just fine. Well, this got me a lot of flack. A LOT. According to them, I was not actually transgender. If you don't want surgery, you aren't transgender. If you don't get surgery, you're never a man and they would not respect my pronouns if I didn't want bottom surgery. It hurt so much to have people who should have normally supported me go up against me. It crushed me. I think it was about a year before I decided I wanted to try to transition again. This time, I came out, asking for advice about what to do with my straight husband on the OnisionForums. I was very quickly attacked for the same reason. However, this time, seven other members came to my aid, telling me if I felt I was a man, then that is what I WAS and to fluck everyone who disagreed. This was extremely liberating. If they didn't come to my aid, I would have went right back into my shell again. And I'm very grateful for that.

The only good that came out of these degrading experiences was I got material for my novel. The pure fire I feel when someone attacks me for my gender identity is so severe sometimes that I almost forget myself. Sometimes it makes me afraid, but I have had enough of that. I refuse to let hatred enslave me. I am what I am, and anyone who doesn't like it will have to deal.

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Cruel-Quillish
September Bade
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Canada

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:iconrpcarlyshay:
RPCarlyShay Featured By Owner 2 days ago   Artist
Thank you for the fav. :)
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:icon3vapup:
3vapup Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
We haven't but everyone who tells him to take the art down thinks they know you

Couldn't reply because It was on his piece, I blocked him.
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:iconcruel-quillish:
Cruel-Quillish Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
It might be a good idea. The only reason I haven't is because he's amusing. 

I kind of wonder what his native language is though. He doesn't seem to be able to understand English.
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:icon3vapup:
3vapup Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Haven't what?

Yeah, he says he's too lazy to use grammar and that he's 20.
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:icon3vapup:
3vapup Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
SearchMan1 just flamed me and all of my friends and random people because I told him to stop art theft, 
So, what do to get him to stop
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:iconcruel-quillish:
Cruel-Quillish Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
-sigh- The admins just told me to block and ignore him. But I'd use the safety tool to report him for harassment anyways. help.deviantart.com/contact/


And make sure to report all his images as well, especially if you can find the originals.
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:icon3vapup:
3vapup Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Okay, he got anyone who commented on my profile, so he got strangers as well
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:iconcruel-quillish:
Cruel-Quillish Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
That's good proof of harassment then, so make sure to link to your page in your report too.

The admins might tell you to 'block and ignore' like they did to me, but do no such thing. The more you hassle him, the closer he comes to slipping up. If he does steal your art as 'revenge' or something you can take it straight to the admins!

It's funny how he thinks I'm the ringleader of a bunch of people though XD What the heck? I'm honoured.
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(1 Reply)
:iconx-maxxmurder-x:
X-MaxxMurder-x Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  New member Hobbyist General Artist
yay! thanks for watching me My Dork Dance 
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:iconsearchman1:
searchman1 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014
searchman1.deviantart.com/art/… <- once i remove that pic that'll remove the link so here you go forgive and forget
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