I've just started coming out as being transgender, so although I have often seen transphobia, today was the first time I've ever actually been attacked directly about being transgender.
The hatred that she spewed towards me for something that is entirely out of my control made me so upset that I actually got lightheaded. You can see the full conversation on this website in the comments. It starts out with her saying "Would be easier if guys stopped wearing women's pants...", which I followed with a joke to highlight her ignorance
It's not so over the top ridiculous harassment, and it's almost confusing. When people used to call me a faggot, I never got upset. When I got stared at after shaving my hair off for cancer care I got a lot of negative glares because people just assumed I was a punk or a lesbian, but it just made me feel sorry for such bitter people.
However, when they started calling me a 'he she' and being disrespectful towards me, it made me feel so shitty about myself. It made me look down at my chest and want to break down and cry. It made me come pretty close to self harm again, but I'm thankful that I think I've pushed passed those feelings.
Well, to be honest, I suppose this isn't exactly the 'first' time I've been attacked that was centered around me being transgender. I frequently was attacked by people supportive of the transgender community when I was first questioning my gender identity. I made it clear that although I'd be gracious for top surgery and testosterone treatments, I never wanted bottom surgery because I just didn't think it would make me feel any closer to being a man. I respect those who do, and if it works for them it's wonderful! However, it didn't function the same as a cisgender man's penis and therefore I would most likely get even more dysphoric about my lower half. As it is now, I can pack and it feels like I really do have a penis, and when I don't look, I can imagine and it's just fine. Well, this got me a lot of flack. A LOT. According to them, I was not actually transgender. If you don't want surgery, you aren't transgender. If you don't get surgery, you're never a man and they would not respect my pronouns if I didn't want bottom surgery. It hurt so much to have people who should have normally supported me go up against me. It crushed me. I think it was about a year before I decided I wanted to try to transition again. This time, I came out, asking for advice about what to do with my straight husband on the OnisionForums. I was very quickly attacked for the same reason. However, this time, seven other members came to my aid, telling me if I felt I was a man, then that is what I WAS and to fluck everyone who disagreed. This was extremely liberating. If they didn't come to my aid, I would have went right back into my shell again. And I'm very grateful for that.
The only good that came out of these degrading experiences was I got material for my novel. The pure fire I feel when someone attacks me for my gender identity is so severe sometimes that I almost forget myself. Sometimes it makes me afraid, but I have had enough of that. I refuse to let hatred enslave me. I am what I am, and anyone who doesn't like it will have to deal.