Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
About Literature / Hobbyist Member September Bade21/Canada Group :iconstealth-force: Stealth-force
STATUS: DEAD GROUP
Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 424 Deviations 10,647 Comments 19,871 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Favourites

I've just started coming out as being transgender, so although I have often seen transphobia, today was the first time I've ever actually been attacked directly about being transgender.

It sucks.

The hatred that she spewed towards me for something that is entirely out of my control made me so upset that I actually got lightheaded. You can see the full conversation on this website in the comments. It starts out with her saying "Would be easier if guys stopped wearing women's pants...", which I followed with a joke to highlight her ignorance:
elitedaily.com/humor/legend-th…

It's not so over the top ridiculous harassment, and it's almost confusing. When people used to call me a faggot, I never got upset. When I got stared at after shaving my hair off for cancer care I got a lot of negative glares because people just assumed I was a punk or a lesbian, but it just made me feel sorry for such bitter people. 

However, when they started calling me a 'he she' and being disrespectful towards me, it made me feel so shitty about myself. It made me look down at my chest and want to break down and cry. It made me come pretty close to self harm again, but I'm thankful that I think I've pushed passed those feelings. 

Well, to be honest, I suppose this isn't exactly the 'first' time I've been attacked that was centered around me being transgender. I frequently was attacked by people supportive of the transgender community when I was first questioning my gender identity. I made it clear that although I'd be gracious for top surgery and testosterone treatments, I never wanted bottom surgery because I just didn't think it would make me feel any closer to being a man. I respect those who do, and if it works for them it's wonderful! However, it didn't function the same as a cisgender man's penis and therefore I would most likely get even more dysphoric about my lower half. As it is now, I can pack and it feels like I really do have a penis, and when I don't look, I can imagine and it's just fine. Well, this got me a lot of flack. A LOT. According to them, I was not actually transgender. If you don't want surgery, you aren't transgender. If you don't get surgery, you're never a man and they would not respect my pronouns if I didn't want bottom surgery. It hurt so much to have people who should have normally supported me go up against me. It crushed me. I think it was about a year before I decided I wanted to try to transition again. This time, I came out, asking for advice about what to do with my straight husband on the OnisionForums. I was very quickly attacked for the same reason. However, this time, seven other members came to my aid, telling me if I felt I was a man, then that is what I WAS and to fluck everyone who disagreed. This was extremely liberating. If they didn't come to my aid, I would have went right back into my shell again. And I'm very grateful for that.

The only good that came out of these degrading experiences was I got material for my novel. The pure fire I feel when someone attacks me for my gender identity is so severe sometimes that I almost forget myself. Sometimes it makes me afraid, but I have had enough of that. I refuse to let hatred enslave me. I am what I am, and anyone who doesn't like it will have to deal.

deviantID

Cruel-Quillish's Profile Picture
Cruel-Quillish
September Bade
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Canada

AdCast - Ads from the Community

×

Groups

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconx-maxxmurder-x:
X-MaxxMurder-x Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  New member Hobbyist General Artist
yay! thanks for watching me My Dork Dance 
Reply
:iconsearchman1:
searchman1 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014
searchman1.deviantart.com/art/… <- once i remove that pic that'll remove the link so here you go forgive and forget
Reply
:iconcruel-quillish:
Cruel-Quillish Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Okay, so you removed that one... but I still see MANY other violations in your gallery.

So if you would please remove all of the violations, that would be much appreciate. To be honest, it might be a good idea to just delete your account and start a new one. Nearly everything in your gallery is breaking the rules and the rest are just 'literature' that should be journals, not literature.

Deviantart does not allow you to post things that contain content that you have not DRAWN or WRITTEN or PHOTOGRAPHED yourself. This includes:

Demotivational posters
Collages
Applications (to roleplaying groups, etc)
Stamps
Screenshots (from games, movie or television
Photographs of celebrities that you didn't take yourself

If you have any questions as to why a certain image is in violation, feel free to ask. 

And yes, with the amount of violations in your gallery, the admins will most likely ban you instead of wasting time deleting all of them.
Reply
:iconcasablancacafe:
CasablancaCafe Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014
Your screenshot entitled "No, I'm not letting that happen" contains intellectual property own by Microsoft and deviantArt.
Reply
:iconcruel-quillish:
Cruel-Quillish Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You don't seem to know what is and isn't against the rules. Trust me, I've checked, and it's 100% alright with the admins. ^-^ Nice try though.
Reply
Flagged as Spam
Flagged as Spam
Flagged as Spam
:iconcasablancacafe:
CasablancaCafe Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014
Do you have the rights to the gif playing on your webcam or is it in the public domain?
Reply
:iconcruel-quillish:
Cruel-Quillish Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oookay, so you obviously have no idea what the rules are and what is and isn't acceptable.

The admins have stated before that your webcam is not considered a deviation, and therefore, you are permitted to post whatever content you may choose. Nice try again though, but if you'd like to target me, I'd at least read the rules first.
Reply
Add a Comment: